Ro-cipes Volume 1: Redefining Crunchy Peanut Butter

For someone who has never smoked weed in their life (this is real, and you can verify with anyone who has ever tried to peer pressure me into it), I sure do snack like a stoner sometimes.

Thus, I’ve decided to start an occasional blog segment dedicated to sharing my late night creations with all of you. I’ll tell you right now… These concoctions typically contain peanut butter or tortilla chips. In today’s instance, It’s JUST peanut butter and tortilla chips.

RO’S CRUNCHY PEANUT BUTTER



Serves
: 1 (because nobody is gonna eat this with you)

Ingredients: 

5-10 tablespoons smooth peanut butter

32 tortilla chips (or more because I don’t believe in judgment)

1 sense of adventure

Instructions:

  1. Open the jar of peanut butter
  2. Open a brand new bag of tortilla chips, because if you’re the type of person interested in this blog post… I know you polished off the last bag in one sitting.
  3. Select the sturdiest looking chips in the bag.
  4. Delicately dip your chips individually into the peanut butter using your fingers to support the back of each chip so that they don’t break in the jar.
  5. Put it in your mouth. Enjoy the salty sweet crunch and ignore anyone who questions what you’re doing.
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While the Rest Of You Were Watching Game Of Thrones, I Was Avoiding The Inevitable.

Yesterday I began a 60 hour journey that the majority of the nation has wisely spread out over the past 5 years.

In true millennial binge fashion, I watched many of the early episodes of Game of Thrones in one sitting.

Now, aside from my having a terrible sense of direction paired with the show’s constant references to things being to the North and  East of one another… I’m hooked.

Here are my initial learnings. 

(Also. I apologize in advance, I don’t know any of their names and I’m not willing to do any sort of Google research because, spoilers)

 

  • I want one of these wolf puppies. Real bad.

  • The ingestion of any snacks that aren’t chewy  is forbidden while watching GOT because if you miss any dialogue due to crunching, you’re lost for the rest of the episode.

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  • From what I hear, any character I like will die. One of the wolf dogs already died and according to my heartstrings, this guy is probably next. (Except…I think I saw him on one of the late night shows and all of the GOT promotional material recently, so maybe not. NOBODY TELL ME!)

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  • Dragon eggs make a great wedding gift.

game-of-thrones-dragon-eggs-collectible-set-769_670

(But seriously, for $100 you can have these. Game of Thrones Dragon Eggs Collectible Set. You’re welcome. Also, seriously…nobody buy these for our wedding.)

  • John Snow is probably the only character’s name I’ll learn, because my fiancé gave me a whole history that I’m convinced he researched. Here are my takeaways from his lesson in family tree form:

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  • There are never too many boobs when trying to achieve great ratings. Disappointingly for my 2 male readers, this bullet point is not accompanied by a photo.

 

That’s all folks.

 

How To Create A Wedding Guest List Without Wanting To Cancel Your Wedding. 

You did it! You found someone who will let you annoy them for the rest of your time on God’s great earth!

Now it’s time to spend your life savings (or the life savings of your proud parents) on throwing a party that some of your guests will inevitably complain about having to attend.

The guest list can be the most stressful aspect of wedding planning. Thanks to my upcoming nuptials, I have some experience and I’m here to help.


Tip 1. Avoid everyone in your social circle that you only kind of like but might feel obligated to invite. I reccommend doing this for the whole year before your wedding. This way, they won’t be expecting an invitation.

Tip 2. Don’t make ANY new friends this year. You’ll make an emotional decision to invite them and then you may never see them again.

Tip 3. Avoid slippery slope invites. For example… If you invite one member of your bowling league, you’re going to need to invite them all. Even Beer Gut Bill.

Tip 4. If your parents are paying for the wedding, they can invite a couple of people you don’t like that much.

Tip 5. Go ahead and invite those embarrassing members of your family you haven’t seen in a while. Consider this memory making in advance.

Tip 6. Remember the guy who drank too much threw up at your birthday party years ago? He’ll do it again. Your call. Just heed my warning.

Tip 7. Whenever your get overwhelmed just gaze into that diamond on your hand.

And Tip 8. Some rare, serious advice. Breathe. Remember. This is one day. Bickering over the guest list is no way to kick off a lifetime together. So let your future hubby invite that friend that you disapprove of for no reason (aside from her big boobs).